Writer's Block

1 Peter 5:1-11 (TNIV) To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ's sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed: Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, watching over them — not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

I have had writer's block over the last four weeks. Each time I found some time to focus on the meditation for the week, I came up empty. A friend pointed me towards this passage in 1 Peter and it just wasn't working. I was blinded by "because you are willing" and "eager to serve." I was a long way from being either willing or eager.

On my morning bike rides, Psalm 100 kept ringing in my ears. OK, Lord. That doesn't help. Make a joyful noise? Serve you with gladness? I don't feel like singing right now, thank you anyway! There is not a lot of gladness in my heart. I would rather sit on a rock and watch the world pass by.

A rock. Back to Peter -- the rock of the early church. If there was ever a time I felt pulled by my furry little ears back into the pasture of the Word by the Chief Shepherd, this would be it. Baaah.

Open my eyes Lord. What am I missing? Is it pride? Lack of humility? Is the devil blocking the way? Why am I not filled with gladness in my heart and eager to serve? What do You want me to see in these verses?

Oh. I see it now. Anxiety. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

It doesn't do much good if my faith community prepares me, equips me, and sends me out the door to serve the world only to have me sit on a rock in the parking lot. Maybe this is way more than just writer's block.

I am afraid of messing up. I am afraid of what people might think. I am afraid of interpreting a passage entirely backwards. I am afraid of what might happen to me. I am afraid of leaving my comfort zone behind. The list goes on and on. And Peter calls me to cast the entire thing onto the shoulders of the Great Shepherd because He cares for me.

Because He cares for me! This isn’t just someone telling me to quit being such a scaredy-cat. This isn't someone telling me to just get over it and get moving — or quit being so lazy. This is the Good Shepherd who leaves the 99 to go in search of the one lost, shivering little lamb who has followed her own way and gone down the wrong path. And when he finds her, he doesn’t get mad because she wandered. He rejoices that he found her. He picks up her tired, anxious little self, cradles her next to his heart and carries her home.

And he doesn’t leave me there. The end of the passage says that after I have suffered a little while (and I certainly think anxiety is a form of suffering), God will make me strong and firm and steadfast, not anxious and fearful. What a contrast.

Hmmm … I think I'll get up off this rock and see where He leads me this week.