Lines in the Sand

I just spent an hour with a young woman who had been planning on getting married last Saturday. She and her finance had been living and loving together for seven years. This was essentially a common-law marriage which was, finally, going to be sanctified on what would have been a gorgeous November day.

After months of planning, the couple was losing control. The wedding was becoming too much of what their parents wanted it to be and nothing of what she and her finance wanted it to be. She stopped, drew a line in the sand and said "I've had enough!" She cancelled the wedding. That was about four months ago. The anger of her parents, his parents, and the disappointment of all involved has long since subsided. Life was good again.

Last week, the young woman gets a phone call from a woman who works with her fiance. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your fiance has been seeing another woman."

Everyone at work knew about it. They are seen together constantly. They head out to the parking lot at noon. They have been doing this for at least six months.

The young woman checked. Nearly all the calls on his cell phone are to the other woman.

The other woman is very married. And very pregnant.

So this young woman confronted her fiance -- made it clear that she would have forgiven him -- and still will if he repents. Nope. His choice has been made. He wants to still be friends. He wants it both ways. She draws another line in the sand: "No way. It's over. You are dead in my eyes. You no longer exist."

She moves out. She cries. She goes on long walks with her dog in the park. She cries some more. She tries to focus on work. Tries to block out the pain. Her employer, thankfully, can cover for her and gives her some time off.

Her mom says she should just get over it and move on with her life.

She is grieving the loss of a relationship. Relationships are a gift. They are a gift from God. He brings us together as mates, as neighbors, and friends and expects us to love each other. And when we do love each other we become more of what God intended us to be. When the relationship dies, we grieve. And grieving takes time. No. We shouldn't "just get over it." That would be like telling someone with a head wound to just quit bleeding -- you look like a mess.

God? Is it OK for me to be screaming-bloody-murder-angry at this jerk for doing this to her? She has done absolutely nothing to deserve this. Why would any man think it's OK to throw this jewel of a woman into the garbage pit? The sparkling trinket he is chasing is a cheap bauble compared to what he threw away. She has loved that man deeply, and that man alone for one-fourth of her life. Is it OK for me to feel the pain she feels? To cry for and with her?

And, oh, did I tell you? Her dog is going in for surgery. He has a lump on his leg which is probably cancer.

I am not making this up. I wouldn't make this up even if I could. That would be cruel. This is a real woman who is in real pain right now. And Mary and I are right there with her.

This call of ours to "love thy neighbor" is a double-edged sword. It's a no-brainer to have great compassion for this woman, but what about the man? Can I bring myself to pray for him as well? Not so sure about that. Give me until sunset -- until the disgust has run its course.

But I am seeing the hand of the Lord in all this -- protecting her -- putting His hedge of love around her. Can you see that too?

Maybe Mary and I will go out and buy her a card and some flowers tonight and deliver them to her office -- to let her know that she is still loved by those around her -- and by Him. Most of all by Him. He shares her pain. He is stung by each of her teardrops as they drip clear through His heart.

For He drew a line in the sand thousands of years ago that started "thou shalt not..." and hardened it into stone. Who are we to tell Him He didn't know what He was talking about?