[KJ]
The desk is so covered with papers, I can barely find my keyboard. The voicemail light blinks. Meetings here. Some have to be missed to finish what the job requests or requires. Bills to be paid. Chores to be done. Meals to be made. Dishes to be done. Oh, and take the time to spend with your family.

And still the snow falls. Between every flake an eternity waits, but will wait forever unless I remember the magic of discovery. My daughter reminds me and I must ALLOW her to remind me, to set the chores aside, to let the meal be late, to let the dishes sit until later. It is difficult because I can be afeared of the consequences, the rush, the monumental task of living in this world of sharp corners and cold walls.

Yet the sharp corners and cold walls have always been here and always will; just because I experience magic and discovery and re awaken to the joy of Christ within my heart doesn't mean sorrow ends or trials stop or the injustice of the world makes it's way away from our lives. If anything, my relationship with Christ should bring me into his embrace with the poor in spirit, the hungry, those oppressed, for in Him they will find peace.

I have been all over the map, theologically, as many of you know. One of the places I have been is a place I feel ashamed to name: I have thumped my Bible and called the New Testament the Word of God and regarded the Old Testament the some kind of prelude, something we don't need anymore since the Promise of God is fulfilled in our Savior Jesus Christ. I have thought myself special and different because I have jesus in my heart (caps intentional--the focus should be on "I" in this sentence). God forgive me, Christ forgive me, Lord grant me peace.

Then, I found myself in a synagogue, and through God's grace, the gentle breath of the Holy Spirit and the faith Jesus Christ has in me, that I really could tap my way through the wilderness. The Israelites did so again and again and again. Prophets arrived to call them to remember God's promise and God's law: love each other, remember the poor, I, your Lord God, am a jealous God because I love you so, and behave kindly toward one another! Amos, Micah, Jonah, how many others? Esther's doubt in herself, her faith in God and the confidence her brethren have in her faith; Moses arguing with God for the salvation of the unruly Israelites, then his overwhelming anger at their behavior; wandering in the desert in a really long time-out while knowing all the while that God keeps his promises. God reminds his people though the calendar, the passage of days which can help us remember that we are His.

And what a gift: "For God so loved the world..." He completed what he asked of Abraham.

I believe that, even as we grow and change in our relationship with God, so does God. Blasphemy, perhaps, but most people know that I would have been burned long ago if I lived only a few hundred years ago. We live in the 21st century and we don't burn people any more, at least not literally. I know I am a misfit in the world, a misfit among many of my brother and sister Christians. But I still believe that God loves me: God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

And so, I find myself arguing with Paul often in my mind and heart. Paul, the devout Jew who was so disappointed to be relegated to teaching the Gentiles; Paul, who not so long ago was Saul, standing nearby as Stephen called upon God, the Father, Abba, receive my spirit.

I believe that, though we are not constrained by the law, we are supported by it. Do we not doubt? Do we not stray? Do we not fall? And how do we get back into the Promised Land? The Torah reminds me of the travels I must make within myself whenever I find myself (again) off the path. God gives us so many gifts: road signs, a fabulous guide, an unbelievable road map and the most loving companion with whom we can share our most frightening , beautiful, confusing human moments. I am yours, save me.

Thank you for your time. Shalom, with the warmest heart, shalom.